#023 | Being Human First: The Truth About Authentic Networking

I used to dread networking.
Not because I didn’t believe in it - because I was too focused on getting it “right.”

Every room felt like a challenge. Was I interesting enough? Helpful enough? Smart enough?

Here’s what I learned: Trying to be impressive kills authentic connection. And when you kill connection, you kill the very reason you showed up.

The cost?
Missed relationships. Missed opportunities. And a growing sense that maybe, just maybe, you don’t belong.

What turned it around for me wasn’t a new trick or template.
It was this quiet, liberating realization: Curiosity is more valuable than confidence.

Why Networking Often Feels Fake

Most people approach networking like a performance.
They think they need to “add value,” “pitch themselves,” or “stand out.” And sure, that might work short term - but it’s exhausting. Not only for them but for you as well. Personally I really don't like having a sales bulldog breathing down my neck.

 And in the long run - it’s not sustainable.

Here’s how it usually plays out:

• “I rehearsed my intro so much I wasn’t really listening.”

• “I kept trying to sound insightful instead of just being curious.”

• “I left with contacts, but no actual connection.” (the bulldog)

Sound familiar?

This trap shows up everywhere:

 - At conferences, where everyone’s scanning the room instead of the person in front of them.
 - In virtual events, where people drop LinkedIn links like business cards at a wedding.
 - At startup mixers, where founders pitch like they’re on stage - even over coffee.

The key insight?
People remember how you made them feel, not what you said.
And when you're present, genuinely interested, and real - that's when you create a feeling worth remembering.

Lead with Curiosity, Not Credentials

Here’s what shifted everything for me:

• I focused on being curious, not clever.
  (Conventional: Lead with a strong value proposition)

• I gave people space to talk first.
  (Conventional: Jump in and explain what you do)

• I looked for points of human connection - before professional ones.
  (Conventional: Go straight to "what do you do?")

Why did this work?

Because connection is a shared experience - not a solo performance.
When you show someone you're genuinely interested in them, you invite a real relationship.

Here’s the simple 3-step formula I use now:

1. Introduce Yourself (feel free to swap with #2)

2. Find a Human Hook - compliment, observation, or shared experience

   • “I see you’re wearing a University of XXX shirt. Did you go there?”

3. Ease into Context - transition into work or industry-related conversation

   • “What brought you to this event?”

This isn’t just feel-good advice—it works.

Here’s what I’ve seen:

• 5x more follow-ups after networking events where I led with questions instead of intros (compared to when I focused on pitching myself)

• 3 long-term partnerships began with non-business conversations (travel, food, and even sneakers!)

• Dozens of startup founders I’ve coached say that leading with curiosity improved not only their networking but also their pitching

Why?
Because when someone feels seen and heard, they want to stay connected.

Authentic networking isn’t about being interesting - it’s about being interested.